Saturday, August 7, 2010

Ladies, Don't Read This Post!

Damn, you're reading it anyway, aren't you?
Okay, don't say I didn't warn you!
What you're about to see are some guy truths. Real stuff. About as deep as it gets.
First, I have to confess, I am not a 'typical' guy. I don't hunt and fish. I don't live for Nascar. I don't go out of my way to hang out with the guys. So, I won't be disclosing any of those types of truths. (Although guys, feel free to add your two cents!)
The Truth About Men:
When we appear to be deep in thought, we're thinking about nothing.
It's not that we don't notice details. We just don't care.
When we shop, we know what we want, we buy it, and then we go home. And in as little time as possible!
The last words we want to hear - "We need to talk." Because I guarantee we will do very little of the talking!
We respond well to 'please' and 'thank you.' Okay, doe eyes helps, too.
When we're out with a woman, we always notice the other women around us. The smart guys never turn their heads, though.
And finally, somewhere in the back of our minds we are always thinking, "Sex would be nice..."
So there you have it! And before you attack me, my wife did approve this list. Okay, she helped me write it, too...
And last chance to win a free copy of CassaStar! See link in sidebar.


Mason Canyon said...

I'm sorry to say I learned nothing new here. You are a 'typical guy' even if you don't hunt, fish and breath Nascar. But, typical is the best kind of guy to be (that way it makes it easy for women to figure you out). LOL

Thoughts in Progress

Anne Gallagher said...

You know, I think one of you typical males should write the book -- "What Typical Males Are"--
with these guidelines and a few more and make it mandatory in 5th grade for every girl to read them.

It would make life so much easier all the way around. No?

Great post.

DEZMOND said...

The first one is absolutely false - when we appear to be deep in thought we are not thinking about nothing, we are thinking about food and sex :)

T. Powell Coltrin said...

If ya'll tell me not to do something, I will be a doing it. Defiant I am.

I'm with Mason, there is nothing on your list I didn't already know. I was married 20 years, after all. I either figured it out or he told me.

Men aren't complicated...or ARE THEY?

Very funny.

Donna B. said...

Alex, are you kiddin' me? This was tame. I have four brothers, so you certainly did not offend me. I say 'viva la difference'.

Helen Ginger said...

A very accurate list. I think most women would agree with you and would say they already knew these things. That's why we're always trying to change you.


Ella said...

Hi Alex-You n' your wife did a good job! I like the wife seal of approval...I didn't learn anything new, though, other than "Don't" doesn't stop me. I knocked the doubt fairy off my shoulder and it is a different game, now~

Pat Tillett said...

Each and every statement is right on the money. My wife can't believe that my brain isn't always as busy as her's is. Sometimes it's just white noise in there...

Charles Gramlich said...

I'll agree with all of those except that my brain is always churning and never still. That's why I appear to be staring off into space so much.

But, if your wife approved and helped, does that truly make it "your" work? Because another truth about men is that a collaboration with a woman means that the woman did most of it. :)

Bossy Betty said...

I thought when you appeared deep in thought you really just had gas pain.

Amity said...

The title is teasing to read, and so well, i did read it!

Not so big deal though coz we women know all that already...lols...:P

Your wife is a good sport, yes!

Nice post Alex, at least a deviation from the movie reviews and sci-fi stories you are posting!

You do have a knack for making people smile also...:)

Anonymous said...

LOL! Yeah, we notice other women. But only the truly stupid turn to look. Oh, and dark sunglasses help in this situation too.

Stephen Tremp

Old Kitty said...

Oh I'm all for diversity me!! :-)

Guys come in all shapes and sizes (ahem) and personality traits and are not from Mars. Neither are women from Venus.

All are from planet Earth.

Well give or take one or two..
Take care

JournoMich said...

Hey--Why do men think they're the only ones who think about sex?


Cheeseboy said...

In some movie - I am not sure which one - the guy is out with his girl and he is noticing all the women around him and he is thinking "she is attractive, but not AS attractive as my girl".

That is generally what I do. I am constantly comparing girls looks to my wife. I am not sure if this is healthy or not, but I do it. And very, very rarely do any women even come close. (But occasionally they do.)

Liza said...

...and guys will spill the secrets about all these points...woman will never! We'll keep you guessing! ;)

N. R. Williams said...

I would lists what I think about your list, but I can't think of anything.
N. R. Williams, fantasy author

Zoe C. Courtman said...

LOL. Loved this, Alex. Cuz it's DEAD ON!! I actually asked my hubs a coupla months ago what he was thinking about when he looked so deep in thought. He was like, uh...nothing. I was all, how can you not think of ANYTHING?? :D My other favorite guy truth, spoken by a comedian, is, "Ladies, WE AIN'T LISTENING TO YOU!! Y'all just talk and talk, and ain't NOBODY listening." :D

Arlee Bird said...

I go with your list--I think you got it pretty much correct. Although, what Dezmond said is also correct most of the time.

Tossing It Out

sfdada said...

Sometimes saying, "Nothing..." is easier (and more welcome) than, "Well, I was actually wondering how build my own R2-D2. Should I just look for a kit that's already to go or get down and dirty and head out to Radio Shack." A quick reality check before speaking and out shoots, "Nothing, honey. What can I do for ya?" :)

Unknown said...

of all the days to visit your blog.. and this... your list is correct... sad but true..

BStearns said...

Alex! How dare you say that about... sorry what was I talking about, my mind wandered off to something there for a sec. Also, I think as guys we all need to do something every so often that makes us feel like men. We need to be "Me man, me tough" even if it's something small.



Write me something I didn't already

At least you know your failings many don't.

Have a grand week-end.


Jemi Fraser said...

LOL :)

My hubby and son could have written this list - although they do like NASCAR too :)

RaShelle Workman said...

Alex - LOL - I've been married almost 14 years. It varies according to your guy as well. Mine thinks about football ALOT. =D

Unknown said...

I'm not your typical woman. When my husband says he wants to talk, I, for some reason, need to use the bathroom or clean.

I notice other women too. And often I'm pointing out a nice pair of breast or butt to my husband.

That being said, if I ask my husband how I look in a certain outfit, he'll probably say I look fat. (No, I'm not joking. But, I'm not one to get offended either.)

I HATE shopping, however, my husband loves it. I never take him with me.

Great post. I can't say I'm the same as most women because I'm probably not.


Chuck said...

Very accurate list. Good thing you left out the REALYY secret stuff we can't ever let out. I think this was enough to convince the women we are totally directionless. Nice touch with the warning not to read...just made em want it that much more.

Hart Johnson said...

So well done on playing on my 'don't tell me what to do thing' *snort* But after reading, I'm pretty sure I'm the guy in my relationship. Though the 'don't look' is a man by man thing. Some guys LIKE that you are 'alive'--others get jealous.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Dezz, that is true!

Journaling, we are not complicated.

Pat,white noise is the perfect description.

Charles, just made sure I'dnot offended - or missed anything.

Amity, thanks!

Michele, I know women think about sex and I'm glad I married one who thinks about it often!

Cheeseboy, you're either a loving husband or just sucking up.

Thanks, Zoe!

Bryan, that's so accurate!

Clairisa, sometimes my wife points out women as well.

Anonymous said...

This is a hilarious collection of truths!

I'm glad I found your blog. You are massively entertaining :-)

Glynis Peters said...

Thanks for the smile. :)

Ellie Garratt said...

LOL. A great list, and so true!

Ellie Garratt said...

LOL. A great list, and so true!

Hold my hand: a social worker's blog said...

HAHAHA so true!

Doris Plaster

Cruella Collett said...

*snort* Great list! I like that it has been wife-approved. Sounds like you're one of the smart guys who knows not to turn his head when checking out other women while on a date ;)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Cruella, I am one of those smart guys!!

Jules said...

A great list Alex, but I too knew most of these. Spent to many years in all male Architectural firms. Most of the men I worked with would do anything .... for cake!

Sorry I'm late. :(
Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Jules, we respond well to food, too!

Patricia Stoltey said...

Very clever use of blog title to sucker us females into running to your blog post without delay. :)

Jayne said...

Heehee - yes, all these things ring true about the blokes I know. :)

Eliza said...

 great list of truths.

Belle said...

Catchy post title!

So, I'm guessing you're one of the smart ones, right? :)

Elizabeth Mueller said...

ROFL!! Alex, you're something else! ;)

Have a great Sunday!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Ptricia, I knew you ladies couldn't resist!

Carolina M. Valdez Schneider said...

Haha! Beautiful insight into the mind of a man. I'd always suspected these things. Glad to see my suspicions confirmed ;)

Lisa said...

"When we're out with a woman, we always notice the other women around us. The smart guys never turn their heads, though."

Yeah, my guy is one of the smart ones. LOL

Great list Alex!

dolorah said...

Too funny. I like that you had the wife's permission to post this - and needed her help. :)


dolorah said...

Oh, and . .

I'm not good at this internet stuff. I've seen you trailer around, watched it - even watched it here. But I couln't find an "embeded" sequence to post on my blog. Nowhere.

So, I would have posted it, if I could have picked up the coding. Now that its a bit late, I guess I should have posted a link to the trailer instead of looking for the embedded code all this time.


I am impressed with the trailer, and intrigued to read the novel when it hits the markets. Hmm, I think I'll add the link to my latest post . .


Anonymous said...

Ah but what is the deal with needing to have your hand on the gear stick of a car, even in an automatic? That's what I want to know.

Thanks for the interesting post.

The Yard Bard said...

Sounds perfectly normal to me!

Hannah said...

Is it bad that I do most of these things??

Powdered Toast Man said...

It's a natural instinct to look at the opposite sex.

I thought this list was going to be a lot worse.

I wrote a similar post on Guilty of Gossip. Here's the link:

Jay Watson said...

Your list is the epitome of brevity and verity - - near perfection
(loved the "doe eye" comment :) )

Jeremy [Retro] said...

ohhhh, noooo... now every man has to retreat to the cave we crawled out of... turn thy head is a art form, i never turn my head... i tie a show, reflection... in my wife's eyes... when i look deep into them.


India Drummond said...

Very funny! I could add a few myself, but I think I'll just leave it be. :)