Damn, you're reading it anyway, aren't you?
Okay, don't say I didn't warn you!
What you're about to see are some guy truths. Real stuff. About as deep as it gets.
First, I have to confess, I am not a 'typical' guy. I don't hunt and fish. I don't live for Nascar. I don't go out of my way to hang out with the guys. So, I won't be disclosing any of those types of truths. (Although guys, feel free to add your two cents!)
The Truth About Men:
When we appear to be deep in thought, we're thinking about nothing.
It's not that we don't notice details. We just don't care.
When we shop, we know what we want, we buy it, and then we go home. And in as little time as possible!
The last words we want to hear - "We need to talk." Because I guarantee we will do very little of the talking!
We respond well to 'please' and 'thank you.' Okay, doe eyes helps, too.
When we're out with a woman, we always notice the other women around us. The smart guys never turn their heads, though.
And finally, somewhere in the back of our minds we are always thinking, "Sex would be nice..."
So there you have it! And before you attack me, my wife did approve this list. Okay, she helped me write it, too...
And last chance to win a free copy of CassaStar! See link in sidebar.
I'm sorry to say I learned nothing new here. You are a 'typical guy' even if you don't hunt, fish and breath Nascar. But, typical is the best kind of guy to be (that way it makes it easy for women to figure you out). LOL
ReplyDeleteMason
Thoughts in Progress
You know, I think one of you typical males should write the book -- "What Typical Males Are"--
ReplyDeletewith these guidelines and a few more and make it mandatory in 5th grade for every girl to read them.
It would make life so much easier all the way around. No?
Great post.
The first one is absolutely false - when we appear to be deep in thought we are not thinking about nothing, we are thinking about food and sex :)
ReplyDeleteIf ya'll tell me not to do something, I will be a doing it. Defiant I am.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Mason, there is nothing on your list I didn't already know. I was married 20 years, after all. I either figured it out or he told me.
Men aren't complicated...or ARE THEY?
Very funny.
Alex, are you kiddin' me? This was tame. I have four brothers, so you certainly did not offend me. I say 'viva la difference'.
ReplyDeleteA very accurate list. I think most women would agree with you and would say they already knew these things. That's why we're always trying to change you.
ReplyDeleteHelen
Hi Alex-You n' your wife did a good job! I like the wife seal of approval...I didn't learn anything new, though, other than "Don't" doesn't stop me. I knocked the doubt fairy off my shoulder and it is a different game, now~
ReplyDeleteEach and every statement is right on the money. My wife can't believe that my brain isn't always as busy as her's is. Sometimes it's just white noise in there...
ReplyDeleteI'll agree with all of those except that my brain is always churning and never still. That's why I appear to be staring off into space so much.
ReplyDeleteBut, if your wife approved and helped, does that truly make it "your" work? Because another truth about men is that a collaboration with a woman means that the woman did most of it. :)
I thought when you appeared deep in thought you really just had gas pain.
ReplyDeleteThe title is teasing to read, and so well, i did read it!
ReplyDeleteNot so big deal though coz we women know all that already...lols...:P
Your wife is a good sport, yes!
Nice post Alex, at least a deviation from the movie reviews and sci-fi stories you are posting!
You do have a knack for making people smile also...:)
LOL! Yeah, we notice other women. But only the truly stupid turn to look. Oh, and dark sunglasses help in this situation too.
ReplyDeleteStephen Tremp
Oh I'm all for diversity me!! :-)
ReplyDeleteGuys come in all shapes and sizes (ahem) and personality traits and are not from Mars. Neither are women from Venus.
All are from planet Earth.
Well give or take one or two..
:-)
Take care
x
Hey--Why do men think they're the only ones who think about sex?
ReplyDeleteMichele
SouthernCityMysteries
In some movie - I am not sure which one - the guy is out with his girl and he is noticing all the women around him and he is thinking "she is attractive, but not AS attractive as my girl".
ReplyDeleteThat is generally what I do. I am constantly comparing girls looks to my wife. I am not sure if this is healthy or not, but I do it. And very, very rarely do any women even come close. (But occasionally they do.)
...and guys will spill the secrets about all these points...woman will never! We'll keep you guessing! ;)
ReplyDeleteI would lists what I think about your list, but I can't think of anything.
ReplyDeleteNancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author
LOL. Loved this, Alex. Cuz it's DEAD ON!! I actually asked my hubs a coupla months ago what he was thinking about when he looked so deep in thought. He was like, uh...nothing. I was all, how can you not think of ANYTHING?? :D My other favorite guy truth, spoken by a comedian, is, "Ladies, WE AIN'T LISTENING TO YOU!! Y'all just talk and talk, and ain't NOBODY listening." :D
ReplyDeleteI go with your list--I think you got it pretty much correct. Although, what Dezmond said is also correct most of the time.
ReplyDeleteLee
Tossing It Out
Sometimes saying, "Nothing..." is easier (and more welcome) than, "Well, I was actually wondering how build my own R2-D2. Should I just look for a kit that's already to go or get down and dirty and head out to Radio Shack." A quick reality check before speaking and out shoots, "Nothing, honey. What can I do for ya?" :)
ReplyDeleteof all the days to visit your blog.. and this... your list is correct... sad but true..
ReplyDeleteAlex! How dare you say that about... sorry what was I talking about, my mind wandered off to something there for a sec. Also, I think as guys we all need to do something every so often that makes us feel like men. We need to be "Me man, me tough" even if it's something small.
ReplyDelete-Bryan
www.sff-hub.com
Write me something I didn't already know......lol
ReplyDeleteAt least you know your failings many don't.
Have a grand week-end.
Yvonne.
LOL :)
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and son could have written this list - although they do like NASCAR too :)
Alex - LOL - I've been married almost 14 years. It varies according to your guy as well. Mine thinks about football ALOT. =D
ReplyDeleteI'm not your typical woman. When my husband says he wants to talk, I, for some reason, need to use the bathroom or clean.
ReplyDeleteI notice other women too. And often I'm pointing out a nice pair of breast or butt to my husband.
That being said, if I ask my husband how I look in a certain outfit, he'll probably say I look fat. (No, I'm not joking. But, I'm not one to get offended either.)
I HATE shopping, however, my husband loves it. I never take him with me.
Great post. I can't say I'm the same as most women because I'm probably not.
CD
Very accurate list. Good thing you left out the REALYY secret stuff we can't ever let out. I think this was enough to convince the women we are totally directionless. Nice touch with the warning not to read...just made em want it that much more.
ReplyDeleteSo well done on playing on my 'don't tell me what to do thing' *snort* But after reading, I'm pretty sure I'm the guy in my relationship. Though the 'don't look' is a man by man thing. Some guys LIKE that you are 'alive'--others get jealous.
ReplyDeleteDezz, that is true!
ReplyDeleteJournaling, we are not complicated.
Pat,white noise is the perfect description.
Charles, just made sure I'dnot offended - or missed anything.
Amity, thanks!
Michele, I know women think about sex and I'm glad I married one who thinks about it often!
Cheeseboy, you're either a loving husband or just sucking up.
Thanks, Zoe!
Bryan, that's so accurate!
Clairisa, sometimes my wife points out women as well.
This is a hilarious collection of truths!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I found your blog. You are massively entertaining :-)
Thanks for the smile. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL. A great list, and so true!
ReplyDeleteLOL. A great list, and so true!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA so true!
ReplyDeleteDoris Plaster
*snort* Great list! I like that it has been wife-approved. Sounds like you're one of the smart guys who knows not to turn his head when checking out other women while on a date ;)
ReplyDeleteCruella, I am one of those smart guys!!
ReplyDeleteA great list Alex, but I too knew most of these. Spent to many years in all male Architectural firms. Most of the men I worked with would do anything .... for cake!
ReplyDeleteSorry I'm late. :(
Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Jules, we respond well to food, too!
ReplyDeleteVery clever use of blog title to sucker us females into running to your blog post without delay. :)
ReplyDeleteHeehee - yes, all these things ring true about the blokes I know. :)
ReplyDelete great list of truths.
ReplyDeleteCatchy post title!
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm guessing you're one of the smart ones, right? :)
ROFL!! Alex, you're something else! ;)
ReplyDeleteHave a great Sunday!
Ptricia, I knew you ladies couldn't resist!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Beautiful insight into the mind of a man. I'd always suspected these things. Glad to see my suspicions confirmed ;)
ReplyDelete"When we're out with a woman, we always notice the other women around us. The smart guys never turn their heads, though."
ReplyDeleteYeah, my guy is one of the smart ones. LOL
Great list Alex!
Too funny. I like that you had the wife's permission to post this - and needed her help. :)
ReplyDelete......dhole
Oh, and . .
ReplyDeleteI'm not good at this internet stuff. I've seen you trailer around, watched it - even watched it here. But I couln't find an "embeded" sequence to post on my blog. Nowhere.
So, I would have posted it, if I could have picked up the coding. Now that its a bit late, I guess I should have posted a link to the trailer instead of looking for the embedded code all this time.
Sorry.
I am impressed with the trailer, and intrigued to read the novel when it hits the markets. Hmm, I think I'll add the link to my latest post . .
........dhole
Ah but what is the deal with needing to have your hand on the gear stick of a car, even in an automatic? That's what I want to know.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the interesting post.
Sounds perfectly normal to me!
ReplyDeleteIs it bad that I do most of these things??
ReplyDeleteIt's a natural instinct to look at the opposite sex.
ReplyDeleteI thought this list was going to be a lot worse.
I wrote a similar post on Guilty of Gossip. Here's the link:
http://www.guiltyofgossip.com/2010/07/guest-blogger-talks-sex.html
Your list is the epitome of brevity and verity - - near perfection
ReplyDeleter/e
(loved the "doe eye" comment :) )
ohhhh, noooo... now every man has to retreat to the cave we crawled out of... turn thy head is a art form, i never turn my head... i tie a show, reflection... in my wife's eyes... when i look deep into them.
ReplyDeleteiZombie
Very funny! I could add a few myself, but I think I'll just leave it be. :)
ReplyDelete