Friday, July 1, 2011
Transformers III, FFW, and Swamp Shark - a Play-By-Play!
Elizabeth Mueller has a HUGE contest/giveaway for the release of her new novel, Darkspell. There are some cool prizes, including a gargoyle, so check it out. She’s also making a guest appearance here on July 11.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Giant fighting robots! Lots of action! Special effects! Chicago in ruins! (Sorry, Michael.) And if you’re expecting anything more from the third film from Michael Bay based on a toy line, forget it. Wasn’t perfect – editing seemed rushed – but better than the second film. And in 3D – whoa! Leave brain at door and prepare for eye candy.
I’m not tech or science heavy in my writing. (You want some science tips, visit Stephen Tremp.) But it does all have to make sense, even if you’re messing with physics. And it needs consistency. My greatest challenge was with the teleporters found on the Cassan’s ships. It’s almost a symbiotic relationship between the mechanical device that powers the jump and the Cassan’s mental ability to fold space. Once I had the logistics figured out, I had to adhere to the rules I’d created. (Which meant the final battle scene went through many rewrites as I tried to figure out how to make it all work!)
Check with my FFW partners Elizabeth, Anastasia, J. D., Deirdre, M. Pax, and Jeffrey for a take on science that actually makes sense!
And now – Swamp Shark – a play-by-play!
Entertainment Weekly gave this cinematic suppository an F+. My expectations are not quite that high.
9:00 - When the producer of the film is named Badish, it pretty much sets the tone.
9:02 - Drunken revelers starting off a movie about a rogue shark. Now where have I seen that before?
9:10 - I'm literally watching D.B. Sweeney and Kristy Swanson destroy their careers (sad.)
9:12 - This movie was either edited by seven monkeys with scissors or Freddie Krueger and Edward Scissorhands.
9:14 - Just to make sure they have every movie stereotype in place, they now introduce the moronic, hard-partying frat boy.
9:16 - Impatiently waiting for the loveable drunk to get eaten.
9:17 - Does this mean the shark is now drunk or is it more like eating half a rum cake?
9:42 - Apparently, there is an app for hunting a rogue shark with gator radio beacons lodged in its stomach. Apple rocks!
10:18 - D.B. Sweeney takes Kristy Swanson to see chewed up corpses in the morgue - now that's what I call a first date. (Eat your heart out ladies!)
10:22 - Idiotic frat boy finally gets eaten - and there was much rejoicing.
That's all I can take folks, I can't watch anymore. However, I assume the shark ends up eating the entire state of Louisiana, gets bad indigestion from a funky batch of gumbo, and explodes.
Now where’s my Hot Tamales???
And to my American friends, have a great Fourth of July!