Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Loss of a Friend

I scrapped what I was going to post about today because of the loss of a blogger friend.

Jane Kennedy Sutton, author of The Ride, died last Friday. She was on blog hiatus due to health reasons and I’d hoped she’d back soon. Her husband was kind enough Monday to post about her passing. Prayers for her family as they deal with this difficult time.

Losing a friend is difficult, even if it’s someone we’ve never met. I can’t imagine how her husband must feel. My wife is my life and I wouldn’t know what to do without her.

And if something happened to me, would she have the presence of mind to let everyone know? Or would everyone just wonder? Last September, Cassandra Jade stopped blogging in the middle of her book tour. Nothing else was ever posted and emails were not returned. It’s sad that we’ll never know what happened.

We have such precious little time here. I guess that’s why in Ephesians 4:26 is says “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” We don’t want our last words to anyone be anything but positive.

Anyone else been through this? I guess I just don’t handle death well. Really, who does?

78 comments:

The Words Crafter said...

I met her in the Challenge and when I read her husband's post, I felt sad.

A few months ago, Lisa Madigan, author of The Mermaid's Mirror, died. I'd only just met her when she announced she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Her post was so brave and beautiful and selfless. I kept praying for a recovery.....

I'm not a great fan of death, to say the least. Too many family members have gone on. But one thing it absolutely does, it makes you think. And appreciate. And cherish....

Her husband and her family are in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Jeffrey Beesler said...

The only way I cope with loss is to be thankful for what I still have. The loss of any person/human/writer is a tragedy, which is why I try to get as much writing done as I can, and try to be nice to as many people as I can.

Lynda R Young said...

I never know what to say. It's always insufficient. Prayers to Jane's family and friends and to all those touched by her passing.

Anne Gallagher said...

Alex, I'm so sorry. It's so sad. But she's at peace now.

Jules said...

My condolences to the family and you are right about her husband, must be horrible.

I don't do death well either. Blog friends I worry when I don't see them for awhile. Not like we can just phone them up or something.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Lauracea (Sue R) said...

I'll send my prayers for her and her family, Alex.

Melissa Bradley said...

How sad for the world such a light has gone out, my prayers to Jane's husband, family and all who knew her.

I've lost so many family and friends that I have learned there's almost nothing that can't be forgiven/forgotten about. And it does not matter whether or not you ever meet someone face-to-face. Communication and sharing ideas, thoughts, etc. are what make someone your friend.

I'm so sorry you lost your friend, Alex.

Liz P said...

Oh wow, that is so sad. I didn't know her, but feel terrible for the loss his family and friends have to endure.

I just had a coworker die suddenly over Easter weekend from a heart attack - not even 40 years old. And about two years ago, another coworker who I was extremely close with passed away from ovarian cancer. Both times were pretty devastating, and you just don't know what to say or do.

It puts life into perspective though. Take advantage of your time here on earth. Don't take for granted what and who you have with you now. And just keep on living, and carry the memories of those you care about who are now gone.

Laura Pauling said...

I'm so sorry Alex! That's tough! And that is such wisdom - to not let the sun go down on our anger. B/c nothing good comes of it. I hope it gets easier. Thinking about you.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Words, it does make us appreciate others more.

Jules, exactly! When someone just vanishes, we can only wonder.

Melissa, that's a great view on friendship.

Liz, it does put things in perspective.

Laura, I try to live by those words.

Ted Cross said...

For the longest time in my life I simply didn't know anyone who died, but as I get older it keeps hitting more and more often. I have wondered about simply vanishing from the blogging world without a trace. Would anyone notice? I'm sure a couple people would, but they would have no idea what happened to me. It's sad to think about, so it's nice that the husband was able to inform the readers of The Ride.

Teresa aka JW said...

It's hard, very hard. I think it's important to somehow let our blogger friends know. I'm glad her husband posted her passing. I bet Jane nudged him. :)

Gail said...

It's never easy.

My thoughts and prayers are with her family...and you.

Ellie said...

I read about her passing on Old Kitty's blog yesterday. I didn't know her but I felt so sad for husband, family, and those who knew her in the blogging world. I'm so sorry, Alex.

Your comments have certainly made me think about ensuring that should anything happen to me someone would let you all know via my blog.

Big hugs.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I am sorry for the loss of your blogger friend Alex, My prayers go to her family at this sad time.

You're right life is too short and to be angry about something and not get it resolved is sad, I only know too well at the moment, I have held out an olive branch but to no avail my son knows where I am when he feels right to contact, I bear no grudges against anyone.

I too had a blogger friend who has disappeared Mr. Stupid, I wrote many a time but no reply

Take care.
Yvonne.

Christine Danek said...

I am so sorry, Alex. I remember her. So sad. It's not easy to deal with. Someone I knew through blogging passed away last year. It was hard because I only knew her through blogging, but I still knew her.
We must live everyday to the fullest. You never know what the next day may bring.

Talli Roland said...

I'm so sorry about Jane, Alex.

I still think about Cassandra and wonder what happened to her. I hope she's all right.

Arlee Bird said...

I never get used to somebody dying, but as I've gotten older I've certainly become more accustomed to it. I'll miss Jane's Monday posts--I'd gotten so used to them.

Lee

Old Kitty said...

Please please please don't ever disappear without a trace!! :-( I'm so so so grateful for Jane's husband telling us about her. I feel so reading about Cassandra Jane. I hope she is ok, I hope she returns soon.

Take care and big hugs all round! x

Pearl said...

The Belfast Cabbie was murdered last month, and I can still feel the shock I felt reading those words on his blog.

We form relationships with the people we read, feel that we know them and that they know us. This reminds me that I should make contingency plans around what to do should I be unable to post...

Pearl

damyantiwrites said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your blog friend.

I lost one last year, and did not know I had lost him, till I visited his blog after my own blog hiatus.

Some bloggers set up a memorial page for him, and since he encouraged others to create prose and poetry, some have undertaken to carry on his legacy.

I hope Cassandra Jade is well, wherever she is

Helen Ginger said...

Jane's death was a shock. Like you, I'd never met her in person, but you get to "know" someone through their blog posts. I sort of doubt my husband would even think of posting on my blog if something happened to me. He doesn't blog and probably wouldn't even know how to do it.

N. R. Williams said...

I'm so sorry. My prayers are with her family and with you. I've often wondered who would let you all know if something happened to me. Though I intend to be around a long time one still doesn't know for sure.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium

Michael Di Gesu said...

I heard the news about her from another blog. I never got to know her, but from what I've read it is a tremendous loss to the community.

Prayers are a given, but remember she is at peace now.

Heather M. Gardner said...

Makes you want to hug everyone a little tighter today and remember to stop putting so many things off.

Bossy Betty said...

Ah, Alex, we form such bonds here in Bloggerland, don't we. Writing reveals so much and is such a great way to develop relationships. I take ti hard when a blogger buddy leaves, but a permanent vacation? Yikes. Hope there is blogging in heaven.

I have told my boys and HOB to let my blogging buddies know when I go and they had better make it a good post.....Maybe I should write it for them. Controlling to the end....

Clarissa Draper said...

I've actually told my husband to post about my death so that people don't wonder where I've gone.

Carol Kilgore said...

Just this morning I learned of Jane's death from Arlee's blog. She was one of my earliest blog buddies. I don't know if my husband would post or not. If I was ill, I would leave directions and make him promise. Otherwise....

RIP Jane Kennedy Sutton. You were my friend, and I miss you.

Milo James Fowler said...

I think we all don't handle death well because we weren't originally intended to deal with it. It strikes us as unfair because it totally is.

Karen Walker said...

Alex, I feel exactly the same way. I wrote a post scheduled for Friday about this very thing. It is the oddest feeling to be grieving for someone I've never met, but feel I knew well.
Karen

Cheeseboy said...

I've lost one blog friend too and I was shocked how hard I took it. Amazing how bloggers connect more than we'd ever imagined. I am so sorry.

DiscConnected said...

Alex-

I am not sure there is a way to handle the death of someone we care about "well."

You grieve, and it's important to do "the essentials" while that happens.

And over time the pain lessens.

Talking about it seems to help some people, but I was the type who needed to just be left alone to work through it.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I will say you already have seemed to learn the most important lesson:

We have precious little time here.

Larry

Dafeenah said...

I am so sorry for your loss. The blogsphere is a strange sort of family. Even though we never meet each other. We still feel connected to one another in a way that is beyond description. My thoughts and prayers will be with her family during this time.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Ted, I'm glad he let us know. And I'd notice your absence! Just don't let it happen.

Teresa, I have a feeling she did.

Ellie, just don't let anything happen, okay?

Yvonne, I almost mentioned Mr Stupid. I emailed him as well. I think his blog is gone now.

Talli, I've thought of emailing her publisher...

Kitty, I won't vanish without a word - promise.

Pearl, that's really sad!

Damy, that's wonderful other carried on for him.

Helen, guess our spouses need a blogging lesson.

Nancy, we never know...

Heather, yes, and I'm not even a hugger.

Betty, I think you should write it! Give us all one last laugh through the tears.

Milo, that is very true!

Karen, a lot of people are posting about Jane, which just shows how much we all cared about her.

Cheeseboy, I agree.

Larry, precious little time indeed.

Donea Lee said...

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't have the pleasure of crossing her blog, but if she was a blog friend of yours - I'm sure she was just spectacular. So sad. :(

Death is never an easy thing. My heart goes out to all affected by her passing.

Murees Dupé said...

I am so sorry to hear this. Jane's family and you will be in my prayers.

Jo Schaffer said...

This is so sad.

Recently there has been a lot of loss in my life. Crazy how it changes so much. We are so interconnected with the people around us that when one is gone it tears something out of our heart--

Best of thoughts for all who knew her.

The Happy Whisk said...

Sorry to read about the death of your blogger buddy. Nice of his husband to post it. And again, sorry for your pain and her passing.

Pk Hrezo said...

Oh I'm sorry you're feeling bad, Alex. It's very sad.... maybe even more when we never actually meet these peeps. Seems like such a waste. I didn't know her, but thanks for posting on it.
It's a sad day.

M Pax said...

Oh, that's terribly sad.

I lost my brother-in-law unexpectedly in November. I still struggle with that somedays. I can't imagine how my sister and nieces deal with it.

RaShelle said...

My heart goes out to her husband and family.

Thanks, Alex! =D

ali said...

There is no good way to handle death. I suppose we can handle it with grace and compassion, but it doesn't deflect the pain and all its accompanying side effects. ((hugs Alex))

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Donea, she was an amazing lady.

Jo, I'm sorry you lost someone dear! It just... sucks.

Pk, wish I had met her.

MPax, that must be awful.

Thanks, Ali!

Lindsay said...

Hugs Alex.

It's always hard dealing with loss. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it either.

Copyboy said...

Wow, so sorry. It's amazing how this blogosphere has drawn us all closer together for the good and the sad. My heart goes out to the family.

Leovi said...

A shame really, I do not know. But for your words I gather it was was good and great person. I join your solemn tribute. A cordial greeting.

Amy Wood said...

So sorry to hear about the loss of your blogger friend. My thoughts and prayers go out to all those who loved her.

Jemi Fraser said...

I was so sorry to hear about Jane. I hadn't 'met' her yet, but I've heard such lovely things about her.

I worry about Cassandra too. She was supposed to post on my blog the day after she stopped posting. I hadn't received her post and I'd emailed her a few times before that day - and a few more times afterwards. I'm still hoping for a good outcome to that one.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I met Jane online several years ago. Still can't believe she's gone.

Ciara said...

I'm in shock. I had no idea. She was a sweet lady. I'm a little unsure how to handle this. *virtual hug* I live in the south so we take food over. What do I do for a blogging family?

TerryLynnJohnson said...

what a shock this is. It seems so sudden. Always a painful, important reminder not to take your health for granted.

Sheila Siler said...

Sad news, but a good word from Ephesians. Isn't it nice to know we have so many friends in the blogging world? I'm sure it brings her family comfort to see the words of sympathy being posted on her site.

Jennie Bailey said...

I was glad her husband posted. I'm wishing her family peace and light at the moment. My husband has all my log-ins so he can inform all over the net if anything happens to me. I don't want there to be any doubt because I've formed some good friendships.

Cassandra popped up on a guest blog in February of this year, but I wasn't sure if that was an old interview that the author was just now posting? If you google "cassandra jade author of Death's Daughter", the blog will come up second and you can click on that link. I hope that she's okay. It's never fun when someone disappears. It makes me incredibly sad to think that something might have happened and they didn't have any family. :-(

I lost a blogger friend a year ago last March. She blogged almost up to the end so it wasn't unexpected. It was still heartbreaking when her parents posted that she was gone.

alexia said...

I didn't know her, but I'm sorry to hear that.

Stephen Tremp said...

I'll truly miss Jane. We were in the same Blog-A-Day Challenge and blog critiques a couple years ago. She hosted me on my blog tour last November. Jane was an amazing lady and well-liked by all. She will be missed.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Copyboy, it is indeed like a family.

Jemi, I still think about Cassandra...

Ciara, post photos of food?

Sheila, I hope everyone who knew her posts on her site!

Jennie, that's sad! Cassandra still had several dates remaining in her tour and no one hear from her after September 17.

Stephen, she will indeed be missed!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

It is so sad about Jane. I've had other blogger friends who disappeared or said they were taking a small break and never came back. We can only wonder.
I hope people will visit Jane's blog and leave words for the family.

Chris Phillips said...

I did not know her well, but that is very sad news.

Lydia K said...

I keep thinking that my blogging buddies and acquaintances will be around forever. It's so sad to think that's not true.

I'm so sorry Alex. I'm going to email you...

Julie Musil said...

Alex, this is so sad. Thanks for letting us know. Life truly is so short, and this is yet another reminder to live each day to the fullest.

Tina said...

Losing a friend is so heartbreaking. I know some people say that online friendships aren't real, and I disagree completely. I find them at times even more real because the barriers are removed and we feel free to open up about ourselves to others, whereas we can go years saying just hello to someone on Sunday morning and really remain anonymous, yet some consider that more meaningful.

Tina @ Life is Good

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Susan, I hope her blog receives hundreds of comments so her husband knows how much she meant to this community.

Tina, well said!

Matthew MacNish said...

I didn't know her, but I'm still sorry for your loss Alex. It's difficult to know what to do, think, or feel when the nature of your relationship is different from the norm.

Several of my closest friends are online friends, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost them.

Karen Lange said...

I was saddened to hear of Jane's passing. My condolences go out to her family.

I don't think anyone handles death well, maybe because it reminds us of our own mortality, and of course, we grieve the loss of someone who was a part of our lives. I'm still trying to grasp the loss of my sister, who passed away last November.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about Jane.

Laura Eno said...

I find it more surreal, and very sad, when a blogging friend dies. I suppose because their words go on living.
Cassandra's disappearance is hard to adjust to and made me realize how important it is for virtual friends to know what happens to each other.

Liza said...

I've lost a friend through death, and another friend who chose to disappear. Both..so very hard.

Eric said...

Thanks for letting us know, Alex. Though I did not know her, I knew of her. I recognized the name instantly.

I wish only that all who knew her eventually find a peaceful place where memories of her bring them a smile.

Abby Minard said...

I have wondered if my husband would post on my blog if something happened to me. Honestly, if something happened to him, I know I'd be away for a long time.

So sorry about her, Alex. I didn't follow her but I'm sure many did. My thoughts are with her family and her husband.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Matthew, it's tough.

Karen, I'm so sorry about your sister.

Laura, that makes sense. We can still see their words, but they're not here anymore.

Abby, something ever happened to my wife, I'd be gone a long time as well.

Saumya said...

So sorry to hear about her. My prayers are with her husband. We all do get so well acquainted in the blogging world that it hurts a lot to hear of anyone's bad news. I hope that she is more at peace.

GigglesandGuns said...

I lost a blogger buddy to cancer last year and it knocked me for a loop. We had corresponded so often that I never felt I didn't really "know" him.
It takes a little time, Alex.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I read this and her blog post when blogger was down. I was tearful, though I didn't know Jane.

Some of us lost a blog friend, Lisa/Bumpkin on a Swing, last year very suddenly to cancer. I've since become close with some of her blog friends. It takes a special person to touch so many people through their writing (alone).

So sorry, Alex.
xoRobyn

Holly Ruggiero said...

After I read the post by Jane's husband, I thought of Cassandra too.

Mary Aalgaard said...

Isn't it great that her husband knew she'd want her blog readers to know what happened. She could have just disappeared for us, too, but he gave us closure. We have a special community "in the clouds" of writing.

Glynis said...

Jane was a supportive Important One on my blog. It was sad to read her husband's posting on her blog.

Cassandrajade was a mystery to me too.

I don't think DH would think but my girls might. *shudder at the thought*

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Thanks and I hope those whose comments vanished go back and leave them on Jane's blog.
And I hope someday we find out what happened to Cassandra.

Jamie Burch said...

This is such sad news. So sorry for the loss of your friend, Alex. It's never easy no matter how you know someone.

Take care.

Maurice Mitchell said...

That scripture is one of my favorites. Words to live by.